26th February 2014

How am I ever going to get through this?

This was a question I often asked myself while studying for my BEd degree. Through the course I was married, separated, moved house (twice), got pregnant, had a baby and still ended up with a 2:1 with merit in teaching. Somehow you just do it and I don't think you always know how. Well following on from yesterdays post about talking the talk without walking the walk I suppose its going to be tested! HMIe inspection in a fortnight. Never been through the process as a teacher but having recently gone through it as a parent in a school that I think is excellent but that got dragged over the coals I can think of things I'd rather be doing! Lets hope my previous experience with life stress helps me here!!

Lots of talk at school about my lack of confidence in what I'm doing despite the impression that my practice is really excellent but can't shake off the feeling that I'm really not getting it right and spend the majority of my time wallowing in self doubt and panicking about being behind on my paperwork. The writing down of interesting lessons has ground me down to the point of being unable to think straight and although on one hand being praised for coming up with good ideas is lovely, being unable to have the energy to see them through is a serious shortcoming. This is really having a negative impact on the team and on the children I teach.

Its the time of year when everyone starts to feel wobbly about the changes that come over the summer with children moving classes and staff accompanying them. I know I'm going nowhere but having a new child to deal with is looking pretty daunting at the moment!

This is supposed to be a reflective journal about my thoughts on the Inclusive Practice certificate course and has become a panicked incoherent ramble about the worries of an inspection. I will add though that I received some books through the post today from the university library - felt a bit like Christmas! I am however incapacitated by inspection fears and I don't think I'll be reading anything tonight!